Todays Funny

shag766 · shag766

shag766 · shag766

i have heard it before about this car hobby being compared to an addiction of sorts, a plain way of saying an illness. now don't get upset as we aren't the only one's with it, apparently. lol - California FiresA Testimony to Dedication and Focus: It was later re...

shag766 · shag766

-yea, i now it's Christmas but this one had some Christianity in it. There were these three girls who were getting married and they all met at the marriage counselor's office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away. They were two city girls and one farm girl. The counselor ask...

shag766 · shag766

Perks of reaching 60 or being over 70 and heading towards 80! 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run--anywhere. 4. People call at 8 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" 5. People no longer view you as a...

shag766 · shag766

An oldie, but with more details on the specifications than the original email ... Designed for women, but certainly not intended for men hahahahahahaha Subject: FW: New For 2018 - But Will It Sell? Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women. Mixing the Renau...

shag766 · shag766

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's... farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.” Sal...

shag766 · shag766

Inventor of the back-up-sensor I bet you think it was Ford, maybe GM, how about Chrysler? no, then how about Mercedes Benz? No! It was a Chinese farmer! Most of the newest cars have a Back-Up Sensor that warns the driver before the rear bumper actually comes in contact with something. Most people p...

GMDad · GMDad

It's a good read. How many do you remember ? *Murgatroyd!... * *Do you remember that word?* Would you believe the email spell checker did not recognize the wordMurgatroyd? Heavens to Mergatroyd! Lost Words from our childhood:Words gone as fast as the buggy whip!Sad really! The other day a not s...

shag766 · shag766

Subject: Fw: School Roll Call on the first day of school in Brampton Registration on the first day back at school... Ahmed Al Sheriah ...................................."here" Mustafa Al Sheriah..................................."here" Fatima El Bindiri .......................

58chev · 58chev

When you have an ‘I Hate My Job day' [Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days] Try this out: Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw...

shag766 · shag766

Subject: FOR ALL THE LADIES WHO DRIVE ALONE I had a flat tire on the 401 yesterday; so, I pulled over, got out of the car andopened my trunk. I took out my cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe it!Just as...

Falcon Futura · Falcon Futura

The RedheadA man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reache...

shag766 · shag766

During a recent White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson. "You know, I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday in June. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say over two hundred words!""That's very impressive," said Tillerson...

shag766 · shag766

Subject: Something to ponder I recently had to choose a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am almost seventy).A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking her, 'Do you think I'll live to be 85?'She...

shag766 · shag766

Is Sex Work? . . .A Canadian Army N.C.O. was about to start the morning briefing to all of his staff.While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the N.C.O. decided to posea question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before,and therefore he f...

shag766 · shag766

Canadian $2 Coin The Royal Canadian Mint has just announced they are going to remove the polar bear from the $2 coin in view of its demise due to global warming! At the height of political correctness, they will replace it with two "male" gay deer.The coin will now be called " two f#*k...

58chev · 58chev

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?" The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice...

shag766 · shag766

The Colonoscopy Being nervous, and embarrassed about my up-coming colonoscopy, on a recommendation, I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco where the beautiful nurses are, allegedly, more gentle and accommodating. As I lay naked on my side on the table, the g...

cheyenne · cheyenne

This a true example of when two people really know each other very well...Early one morning, an elderly retired military veteran had just finished a piece of artwork he had been working on and yelled to his wife, "Honey! Come see what I created! It's an abstract panorama, depicting the first 2 years...

shag766 · shag766

Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose. The hunters objected strongly saying,...

GMDad · GMDad

"You'll be fine," the doctor said after finishing the young woman's surgery.But, she asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?" The surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek. The girl was alarmed. "What's the matter doctor...

GMDad · GMDad

A foursome of guys were waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of women were hitting from the women's tee. It was a fine summer day and the ladies were not rushing. When the final woman had her ball teed up she hacked it about ten feet. Calmly, she walked over to it and addressed it again. This time sh...

shag766 · shag766

i found this quite amusing, lmao r.i.p. heff

58chev · 58chev

Male SELF EXAMINATION FOR ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE....It takes less than 15 seconds.. If you are male and over 60 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test. How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks? 1. _ _NDOM 2. F_ _K 3. P_N_S 4. PU_S_ 5. S_X 6. BOO_S . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...

shag766 · shag766

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything; however, your penis was sever...

shag766 · shag766

Business was terrible and not picking up. I had to fire somebody, and I narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, I decided I would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. De...

shag766 · shag766

The Geography of a Woman Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain.Very hot, rel...

shag766 · shag766

Falcon Futura · Falcon Futura

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife screams at him as his friend stands there listening "my hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did yo...

shag766 · shag766

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	seems fitting (Preview)	shag766	0	382	Dec 29, 2017 by shag766
	it an addiction (Preview) i have heard it before about this car hobby being compared to an addiction of sorts, a plain way of saying an illness. now don't get upset as we aren't the only one's with it, apparently. lol - *California FiresA Testimony to Dedication and Focus:* It was later re...**	shag766	2	388	Dec 25, 2017 by Junior
	Farmers Birth Control (don't blame me - I only send them on) (Preview) -yea, i now it's Christmas but this one had some Christianity in it. There were these three girls who were getting married and they all met at the marriage counselor's office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away. They were two city girls and one farm girl. The counselor ask...	shag766	0	346	Dec 25, 2017 by shag766
	DEMENTIA.......NOT US (Preview) Perks of reaching 60 or being over 70 and heading towards 80! 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run--anywhere. 4. People call at 8 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" 5. People no longer view you as a...	shag766	1	343	Dec 21, 2017 by admin
	New For 2018 - But Will It Sell? (Preview) An oldie, but with more details on the specifications than the original email ... Designed for women, but certainly not intended for men hahahahahahaha Subject: FW: New For 2018 - But Will It Sell? Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women. Mixing the Renau...	shag766	0	517	Dec 14, 2017 by shag766
	LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK! (Preview) The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's... farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.” Sal...	shag766	0	500	Dec 13, 2017 by shag766
	who would of thunk it? (Preview) Inventor of the back-up-sensor I bet you think it was Ford, maybe GM, how about Chrysler? no, then how about Mercedes Benz? No! It was a Chinese farmer! Most of the newest cars have a Back-Up Sensor that warns the driver before the rear bumper actually comes in contact with something. Most people p...	shag766	2	591	Nov 30, 2017 by Janies dirty 37
	Words of our youth (Preview) It's a good read. How many do you remember ? Murgatroyd!... Do you remember that word? Would you believe the email spell checker did not recognize the wordMurgatroyd? Heavens to Mergatroyd! Lost Words from our childhood:Words gone as fast as the buggy whip!Sad really! The other day a not s...	GMDad	5	704	Nov 22, 2017 by Junior
	School Roll Call on the first day of school in Brampton (Preview) Subject: Fw: School Roll Call on the first day of school in Brampton Registration on the first day back at school... Ahmed Al Sheriah ...................................."here" Mustafa Al Sheriah..................................."here" Fatima El Bindiri .......................	shag766	0	536	Nov 18, 2017 by shag766
	I hate my Job day (Preview) When you have an ‘I Hate My Job day' [Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days] Try this out: Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw...	58chev	4	830	Nov 15, 2017 by shag766
	FOR ALL THE LADIES WHO DRIVE ALONE (Preview) Subject: FOR ALL THE LADIES WHO DRIVE ALONE I had a flat tire on the 401 yesterday; so, I pulled over, got out of the car andopened my trunk. I took out my cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe it!Just as...	shag766	2	829	Nov 10, 2017 by Janies dirty 37
	The Red Head (Preview) The RedheadA man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reache...	Falcon Futura	3	640	Nov 10, 2017 by Janies dirty 37
	donalds parrot (Preview) During a recent White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson. "You know, I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday in June. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say over two hundred words!""That's very impressive," said Tillerson...	shag766	1	494	Nov 6, 2017 by 123pugsy
	have a nice day (Preview) Subject: Something to ponder I recently had to choose a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am almost seventy).A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking her, 'Do you think I'll live to be 85?'She...	shag766	1	419	Nov 1, 2017 by Janies dirty 37
	leave it to the newf, lol (Preview) Is Sex Work? . . .A Canadian Army N.C.O. was about to start the morning briefing to all of his staff.While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the N.C.O. decided to posea question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before,and therefore he f...	shag766	0	364	Oct 26, 2017 by shag766
	it honestly wouldn't surprise me in the least (Preview) Canadian $2 Coin The Royal Canadian Mint has just announced they are going to remove the polar bear from the $2 coin in view of its demise due to global warming! *At the height of political correctness, they will replace it with two "male" gay deer.The coin will now be called " two f#k...**	shag766	1	528	Oct 23, 2017 by GMDad
	How is Norma? (Preview) A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?" The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice...	58chev	2	763	Oct 16, 2017 by Janies dirty 37
	your morning giggle (Preview) The Colonoscopy Being nervous, and embarrassed about my up-coming colonoscopy, on a recommendation, I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco where the beautiful nurses are, allegedly, more gentle and accommodating. As I lay naked on my side on the table, the g...	shag766	3	726	Oct 16, 2017 by Janies dirty 37
	The Wife knows (Preview) This a true example of when two people really know each other very well...Early one morning, an elderly retired military veteran had just finished a piece of artwork he had been working on and yelled to his wife, "Honey! Come see what I created! It's an abstract panorama, depicting the first 2 years...	cheyenne	0	514	Oct 13, 2017 by cheyenne
	2 polish hunters (Preview) Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose. The hunters objected strongly saying,...	shag766	2	529	Oct 10, 2017 by 123pugsy
	Post Surgery (Preview) "You'll be fine," the doctor said after finishing the young woman's surgery.But, she asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?" The surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek. The girl was alarmed. "What's the matter doctor...	GMDad	2	692	Oct 10, 2017 by 51 Styline
	Teed Off (Preview) A foursome of guys were waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of women were hitting from the women's tee. It was a fine summer day and the ladies were not rushing. When the final woman had her ball teed up she hacked it about ten feet. Calmly, she walked over to it and addressed it again. This time sh...	GMDad	0	368	Oct 4, 2017 by GMDad
	LOL (Preview) i found this quite amusing, lmao r.i.p. heff	shag766	1	491	Oct 3, 2017 by 58chev
	Do You Have Alzheimer's? (Preview) Male SELF EXAMINATION FOR ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE....It takes less than 15 seconds.. If you are male and over 60 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test. How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks? 1. _ _NDOM 2. F_ _K 3. P_N_S 4. PU_S_ 5. S_X 6. BOO_S . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...	58chev	1	498	Oct 3, 2017 by shag766
	Injury Dilemma (Preview) A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything; however, your penis was sever...	shag766	0	603	Sep 12, 2017 by shag766
	Sentence Structure (Preview) Business was terrible and not picking up. I had to fire somebody, and I narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, I decided I would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. De...	shag766	0	665	Sep 9, 2017 by shag766
	The Geography of a Woman (Preview) The Geography of a Woman Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain.Very hot, rel...	shag766	1	615	Sep 5, 2017 by Marten
	Subject: Religion (Preview)	shag766	3	774	Aug 22, 2017 by Junior
	Bring a friend home for dinner? (Preview) A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife screams at him as his friend stands there listening "my hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did yo...	Falcon Futura	1	628	Aug 19, 2017 by shag766
	a couple of morning smiles (Preview)	shag766	0	607	Aug 19, 2017 by shag766
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