Todays Funny

shag766 · shag766

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wallto pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowlyup to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minu...

henrystoys · henrystoys

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, and severely banged my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"As I looked up, I noti...

shag766 · shag766

AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OL...

shag766 · shag766

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by a hostile Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaimed, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger"... "In honor of the Buffalo Hunt, you will be sacrificed in three days." "Before we kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request?' The Lone...

shag766 · shag766

- - THREE IRISH LASSIES... Oh, the Irish! I was at the pub the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar. Their accent appeared to be Gaelic, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Ireland?" One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, W...

shag766 · shag766

- Subject: Bar Joke "As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's.... The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink.""Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my...

51 Styline · 51 Styline

admin · admin

shag766 · shag766

A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. "What are you doing?" she asked. I'm waiting for Shagg to come home from work," the daught...

123pugsy · 123pugsy

Three desperately ill men go to their doctor seeking help. One is and alcoholic, one is a chain smoker and the other is gay. The doctor tells the men if you indulge in any of your habits again you will die. So the three men leave and then the alcoholic sees a bar and hears its loud music and can’t resist. He or...

shag766 · shag766

The lawyer story A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home. But he was having as lot of difficulty finding a new home. When he said, he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt...

51 Styline · 51 Styline

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the restroom. A few minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming.“What’s all the screaming about in there? You...

51 Styline · 51 Styline

Three male bodies arrive at the morgue with big smiles frozen on their lifeless faces. The detective calls the coroner to ask what happened to the men. “First body: Guy from Eganville. 60. Died of Congestive Heart Failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Detective”, sai...

admin · admin

Too Funny

shag766 · shag766

CAKE OR BED A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.. HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THI...

51 Styline · 51 Styline

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman.He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-...

shag766 · shag766

PROSTATE EXAMINATION....NEW PROCEDURE... The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath...

51 Styline · 51 Styline

In an effort to be more politically correct, Donald Trump will no longer refer to countries as "****holes". He will use a term that he first heard used by that renowned diplomat and former Canadian PM Jean Chretien to describe those places. Henceforth they shall be called "Turd World Countries".

51 Styline · 51 Styline

Marten · Marten

Couple were sitting on the front porch after celebrating their 40th anniversary. Husband asks if she ever cheated on him? After a long pause she says only 3 times. When he asks. Do you remember when we were trying to get some financing for our first house, wasn't going well then it came through? Guess I c...

shag766 · shag766

-KID'S LETTER TO THE TR00PS... -

58chev · 58chev

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, Triple-Pane, energy-efficient kind. Today, I got a call from Home Depot who installed them. The caller complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Helloooo,........... just because...

shag766 · shag766

-CAN'T GET AN ERECTION ????? The husband was a bit embarrassed, and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife, and that she was getting frustrated. The doc checked the man's blood pressure, and other vitals, thenafter a thorough examination said he wanted to check with the wi...

58chev · 58chev

A husband and wife went in for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneline...

shag766 · shag766

It Pays to Know German An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand. The Amish man shouts: "Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben in ihm geschissen!" Which means: "Don't drink the wate...

123pugsy · 123pugsy

A hillbilly family visiting their cousins in New York City walking around the city eventually found themselves inside a skyscraper. They were amazed by the three story waterfall, the golden chandeliers, the music coming from everywhere, but especially by two big shiny, silver doors that could mo...

shag766 · shag766

In these troubled times a little levity is called for I think!! The Talking Centipede A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, ...

58chev · 58chev

An Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball on the tee, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any undies?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford an...

Marten · Marten

Ok so I thought this might be fun to try. Complete the about sentence it froze the nuts off the old jeep it froze the balls off a brass monkey I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog even my goose bumps have goose bumps

58chev · 58chev

“An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff. “Howdy, stranger.” “Howdy, sheriff.” The cowboy then moved slowly to the back o...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	the old jewish man (Preview) A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wallto pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowlyup to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minu...	shag766	0	378	Mar 26, 2018 by shag766
	Harley rider (Preview) While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, and severely banged my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"As I looked up, I noti...	henrystoys	1	391	Mar 23, 2018 by shag766
	it's an old one but a smile (Preview) AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OL...	shag766	1	457	Mar 18, 2018 by Lightspeed Mike
	an oldie but a goodie (Preview) The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by a hostile Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaimed, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger"... "In honor of the Buffalo Hunt, you will be sacrificed in three days." "Before we kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request?' The Lone...	shag766	0	385	Mar 10, 2018 by shag766
	morning chuckle, set your coffee down (Preview) - - THREE IRISH LASSIES... Oh, the Irish! I was at the pub the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar. Their accent appeared to be Gaelic, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Ireland?" One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, W...	shag766	0	351	Mar 10, 2018 by shag766
	morning chuckle (Preview) - Subject: Bar Joke "As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's.... The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink.""Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my...	shag766	2	344	Mar 9, 2018 by admin
	Senior Funny. (Preview)	51 Styline	0	308	Mar 8, 2018 by 51 Styline
	Good medical advice.. (Preview)	admin	0	310	Mar 7, 2018 by admin
	THE LOVE DRESS (Preview) A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. "What are you doing?" she asked. I'm waiting for Shagg to come home from work," the daught...	shag766	0	322	Mar 6, 2018 by shag766
	Three Guys (Preview) Three desperately ill men go to their doctor seeking help. One is and alcoholic, one is a chain smoker and the other is gay. The doctor tells the men if you indulge in any of your habits again you will die. So the three men leave and then the alcoholic sees a bar and hears its loud music and can’t resist. He or...	123pugsy	3	405	Mar 5, 2018 by shag766
	The truthful lawyer (Preview) *The lawyer story* A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home. But he was having as lot of difficulty finding a new home. When he said, he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt...	shag766	1	394	Feb 28, 2018 by parklane
	Sunday funny (Preview) A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the restroom. A few minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming.“What’s all the screaming about in there? You...	51 Styline	1	358	Feb 26, 2018 by shag766
	Three Stiffs (Preview) Three male bodies arrive at the morgue with big smiles frozen on their lifeless faces. The detective calls the coroner to ask what happened to the men. “First body: Guy from Eganville. 60. Died of Congestive Heart Failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Detective”, sai...	51 Styline	3	455	Feb 25, 2018 by brad mcintyre
	Rodney The Mechanic'' (Preview) Too Funny	admin	2	399	Feb 25, 2018 by Beans
	cake or bed (Preview) CAKE OR BED A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.. HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THI...	shag766	0	285	Feb 25, 2018 by shag766
	Friday funny (Preview) A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman.He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-...	51 Styline	0	278	Feb 23, 2018 by 51 Styline
	late morning smile (Preview) PROSTATE EXAMINATION....NEW PROCEDURE... The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath...	shag766	0	341	Feb 18, 2018 by shag766
	Smile Political Correctness (Preview) In an effort to be more politically correct, Donald Trump will no longer refer to countries as "****holes". He will use a term that he first heard used by that renowned diplomat and former Canadian PM Jean Chretien to describe those places. Henceforth they shall be called "Turd World Countries".	51 Styline	0	396	Feb 16, 2018 by 51 Styline
	Another Smile (Preview)	51 Styline	3	477	Feb 15, 2018 by shag766
	Anniversary questions (Preview) Couple were sitting on the front porch after celebrating their 40th anniversary. Husband asks if she ever cheated on him? After a long pause she says only 3 times. When he asks. Do you remember when we were trying to get some financing for our first house, wasn't going well then it came through? Guess I c...	Marten	1	380	Feb 15, 2018 by shag766
	morning smile (Preview) -KID'S LETTER TO THE TR00PS... -	shag766	2	358	Feb 14, 2018 by Marten
	Triple Pane Windows (Preview) Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, Triple-Pane, energy-efficient kind. Today, I got a call from Home Depot who installed them. The caller complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Helloooo,........... just because...	58chev	1	354	Feb 13, 2018 by shag766
	morning smile (Preview) -CAN'T GET AN ERECTION ????? The husband was a bit embarrassed, and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife, and that she was getting frustrated. The doc checked the man's blood pressure, and other vitals, thenafter a thorough examination said he wanted to check with the wi...	shag766	2	346	Feb 12, 2018 by admin
	What a guy.... (Preview) A husband and wife went in for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneline...	58chev	0	415	Feb 7, 2018 by 58chev
	morning smile (Preview) It Pays to Know German An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand. The Amish man shouts: "Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben in ihm geschissen!" Which means: "Don't drink the wate...	shag766	4	502	Feb 1, 2018 by Junior
	Hillbillies (Preview) A hillbilly family visiting their cousins in New York City walking around the city eventually found themselves inside a skyscraper. They were amazed by the three story waterfall, the golden chandeliers, the music coming from everywhere, but especially by two big shiny, silver doors that could mo...	123pugsy	0	516	Jan 18, 2018 by 123pugsy
	LOL (Preview) In these troubled times a little levity is called for I think!! The Talking Centipede A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, ...	shag766	0	388	Jan 13, 2018 by shag766
	Aggie. (Preview) An Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball on the tee, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any undies?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford an...	58chev	2	574	Jan 11, 2018 by shag766
	It's so cold......... (Preview) Ok so I thought this might be fun to try. Complete the about sentence it froze the nuts off the old jeep it froze the balls off a brass monkey I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog even my goose bumps have goose bumps	Marten	12	1163	Jan 7, 2018 by parklane
	A Kiss (Preview) “An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff. “Howdy, stranger.” “Howdy, sheriff.” The cowboy then moved slowly to the back o...	58chev	1	578	Jan 6, 2018 by shag766
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