1.   My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds …Only 15 to go

 

 2. Ate salad for dinner …Mostly croutons & tomatoes ... Actually just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce …And cheese... OK, it was a pizza... I ate a pizza

3.How to prepare Tofu: Throw it in the trash and then grill some Meat.

 

4. I just did a week's worth of cardio ---
after walking into a spider web

5. I don't mean to brag but 
I finished my 14-day supply of diet food
in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

6. A recent study has found women
who carry a little extra weight live longer
than men who mention it
.

7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it.
When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet
to change the TV channel.

8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

9. Remember back when we were kids
and every time it was storming they closed school?
Me neither.

10. I may not be that funny or athletic
or good looking or smart or talented …I forgot where I was going with this
.

11. I love being over 60 …I learn something new every day …and forget 5 others
.

12. A thief broke into my house last night.
He started searching for money …so I woke up and searched with him.

13. My dentist told me I need a Crown …
I said, “Awright, pour mine over rocks..."

14. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead
and call it a day .