My apology's I have been a little tardy for the last few weeks on the board. I am trying to keep everything current . I have a little maintenance to do , but I have had some unexpected personal family things to deal with and it will probably be another week before I get most of this behind me. I really appreciate that everybody is holding the forum to-gether with courtesy and respect.. I really want this to be great place to spend some time to share information and fellowship for all the subjects and interests we share.. In the 7 months since I launched this forum everybody here has exceeded my expectations for my vision of a great group.. You have all been exceptionally great..i could not be more grateful.. So hold it to-gether for me for a few days till I can get some stuff sorted out in my personal life with my wife's Heath to take some stress out of our life and try to slow it down a little.. I sold our Motor Home and am in the middle of buying and setting up a house trailer in Merrickville So I can get a little help from my Daughter caring for her.. I am not moving there to live, it will just be a vacation place for us to spend a few months in through the next year or so. So I am crazy busy for about another week.. I do look in to the board everyday incase we get anybody trying to make any problem..Thanks to everybody here for your patience and support..
Chuk
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There is no elevator to success — you have to take the stairs.
All the very best of luck with everything Chuck,..ditto on what the others stated,.. " Family First ".
The only real threat you actually have on here is that " Parklane " dude from over in St.Thomas,...and if he gets outta' hand, I'll get a few of the members here together for backup,..and we'll take him somewhere where they don't know him,..and commit him into one of the old age homes for a couple weeks until you get back. By the time the two weeks are up,..they'll be more than happy to spring him loose " Free Of Charge ",...so it's not like it's going to cost us anything,....:>) :>)
All the very best of luck with everything Chuck,..ditto on what the others stated,.. " Family First ".
The only real threat you actually have on here is that " Parklane " dude from over in St.Thomas,...and if he gets outta' hand, I'll get a few of the members here together for backup,..and we'll take him somewhere where they don't know him,..and commit him into one of the old age homes for a couple weeks until you get back. By the time the two weeks are up,..they'll be more than happy to spring him loose " Free Of Charge ",...so it's not like it's going to cost us anything,....:>) :>)
There you go AGAIN, tryin to hurt my dirty rotten feelings. but I caught on to you, so I leave them at home. Nice try though Wayne.
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if you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
All the best Chuck, life gets in the way you have worked very hard to keep this forum a really positive place to hang out, this is a great group of people.
thanks for the support : I am starting to get back to my new normal.. I think most of you are aware my wife Was diagnosed with Dementia. As you are probably aware that this is an insidious cruel disease. We have had a motor home for several years and this last trip we just returned from was more a trip to see some family and old friends from our family of friends. I think as hard as it is to accept and deal with this it is frightening and scary to watch your partner for 55 years start to have cognitive problems. For the last year I have had to take over most of the house chores as Diane just had trouble with trying to do anything. Driving home I realized Diane will never do this again. In the last few months she has slipped a bit more. I have had many nights of fear of what's next.. I have cried myself to sleep on more than one night in fear of what's next.. Being a fixit guy all my life and here I have a problem that I can't find any fix for. Non of my welding, tools, or any tool in my toolbox can fix this . I am so used to be the guy that can fix anything for anybody and I am totally useless to fix this..
When I got home and realised the amount of work and expense for me to keep the motor home was not really an option anymore. I put it on kijiji on Monday morning and sold it Monday night, I am still wondering if I sold it too cheap or am I just having seller remorse. They wanted it immediately , so I was under a bit more pressure to get all my stuff unpacked and after 8 years of owning it I had a lot of stuff in it.. They did pick it up on Thursday and it's gone. The back of my MDX is stuffed of the stuff I had to get out and it still needs to stored. SO this week I have been on kijiji trying to find a decent 32 or 34 foot house trailer to permantly park at my daughters in Merrickville. I will need some help from my daughter and grand kids to help me with Diane as this horrible disease progress's. We will not live in it permantly but, I will have to spend more time at least during the warmer months in the coming years. I have no real idea what to expect in the future except I know I will need to have my daughter help.. So far it has not been more than I can bear or handle, but I have seen her change in the last few months as it gets harder for her to remember things and even conversations are changing. So I'm having a hard time trying to keep it all together.. I am for the most part a pretty strong person and I am always upbeat I have always believed if it's going to be then it's up to me..I very little time for pity partys and I have a good strong belief in My faith. I just don't wear it on my forehead. There is a lot of house trailers to look at . I have not found what I am looking for yet and I am looking in the Ottawa, Kingston, Brockville area so I won't have to tow it to far..We will see how that all goes for the rest of the summer..I need to get one ,then decide if I need to put down a cement pad or if just digging out a foot and packing sand and a topping of crushed stone will work , then get hydro and water and a deck ,etc to make it home for her..
Next, I need to sell the house as I have no idea of whet my future expense's could be so I need to fatten up my bank account and prepare for what comes next..getting old sucks..I think I might have a buyer for the house and he is willing to wait until spring to finalize any transaction He has been a neighbour all his life .I was living here before he was born. His parents are good friends and neighbours So that is a lucky break for me to have time to find a place. Selling and moving is a stressful thing for me too as I have lived here for 40 years. I have a lot of blood, sweat and tears here , raised all my kids here and grandkids This the only place they have known..Nothing in life is ever permanent. We only have it to use while we are here I will not be taking any thing with when I expire. So I need to start to get rid of stuff but I am procrastinating on that yet for a bit..Anyway I need to get back to my normal and get on with living my life. It's just going to be different. I am sure some of you have lost a partner through death or cancer or what ever storm that came your way. Those that have had that kind of tragedy will understand what I am talking about. however I can't sit and feel sorry for myself I need to pick up the pieces and be gratefull the years we have had.. We had 55 years of a pretty good marriage. We had our battles like anyone else but we worked through them. Real love and marriage it a lot of give and take and takes years to grow.
Thanks for everyone for your kind words while I work through all this . I really like this forum and I like to be here telling lies and talking about what ever. I have an interest in everything in life whether it's cars. fishing, politics, or anything . I am getting more settled and accepting of the change in my life and I know there are many people with bigger struggles than mine So it's time to get past all the pity party and get back to living..I am sure grateful to have this place to open up my thoughts and struggle's.. So I expect to get back here with a couple little absence's when I need to go to Merrickville to get the trailer set up when I get one and that could be spring as I don't want to panic buy , I want to find a decent one not some old worn out relic..Then I will to wire and plumb in a septic system or hook into my daughters system as we could be spending up to 3 months a year there until My poor wife does not know any of us anymore and I hope that is a long time yet..It will an extreme chore to have to put her in a home It's the hardest thought I can't get out of my mind.. We have been together since we were 14 or 15 years old..I was a father at 16..anyway I will get back here more often and get back to where I was, being an opinionated trouble maker like the rest of you.. The sun is shining the humitiy is down and Riley my dog has an appointment with the spa at 12-noon for a bath and a haircut..so I better get my teeth brushed and get on the day..I can't thank you guys enough for your support Great bunch of friends..time to move on..
chuk
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There is no elevator to success — you have to take the stairs.
Just a suggestion on the future trailer Chuck , look for a " park model " style as they have higher ceilings than the tow-behind , and usually a more generous front kitchen , full size frig etc , room for a stackable washer /dryer ......
I think you are doing the right thing although change ...big change ...is tough for anyone . I've had to look into costs for possible future care and the $$$ are daunting but it's part of the " for better or for worse " promise I made . I know my wife would do the same if the situation was reversed .
Take Riley for a walk ....good dog !
T
-- Edited by teejay99 on Saturday 16th of July 2016 11:33:35 AM
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To Err is human ....to blame someone else is Management Material !
Chuck not telling you what to do but before you make any rash changes id be talking to as many people as you can to get an idea of what your up against . professional but better yet people who have been in your shoes. On one hand help from your daughter would be great on the other hand its going to take a toll on her and her family and at the moment your in close proximity to some of the best mental health care facilities in the province . Just an observation from somebody thats been against the wall and powerless to do anything about it. Check your pride at the door and try not to spin make sure you take care of yourself and the rest of us will keep you and your family in our prayers .
Man Chuck, I feel very bad for you and your wife. My mother has dementia so I am aware of what you are struggling with.
Just a couple of thoughts. First you cannot do this on your own, I know you want to fix it but you cannot. Speak to your doctor, public health anyone who will offer help, they are out there. I know you probably do not want to even think about it but consider a home. The folks working in the home my mother is in are great with her. They are the type of people who have the knowledge and experience to help your wife.
Stability seems to be an issue with my mother. Take her from her place of comfort and she literally goes into a meltdown. So moving around may not be the answer to your dilemma.
Do not run yourself down, you will be of little help to her if you are worn out. You have some tough decisions to make but in your wife's best interests you need to do it. Please do not do anything rash that will have long term implications for you and the rest of your family.
My thoughts with you and your family. Best to you.
Thanks for all that advice. I am working through it. So far I have been able to cope and I am trying to get my ducks all lined up as this gets more difficult. This is about the worst kind of thing to deal with that I have ever experienced. I will get through it, with a lot of help from my friends and family . I do expect the next year to fairly difficult emotionally . I am glad to have the forum. Sometimes just talking out loud or printing it here and getting it off my mind helps me stay connected to my friends and other people who have been down this road.. I will keep using this forum to keep my mind from exploding..and to fight depression .. There a lot of people out there with bigger challenges than I .. So I really can only have little pity parties.. I am sure I will have down days , I will get past them with a little help from my friends.
Thanks a lot..
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There is no elevator to success — you have to take the stairs.
Chuck, there are many here you can lean on for moral support, the one thing above all else is to remember that this disease is more one for the family members than the patient. The stress and strain of coping is not one you should bear alone. Get into a support group, or others that can share the load and help you to understand what is happening and what to expect. Being strong is one thing, not taking advantage of help groups is another..............
Prayers for you and your family..............
Thanks for all the advice and support.. I really do appreciate it.. So far it has not been too bad. I know by Christmas or spring I will be in a lot deeper and thing's will be much harder.. Right now I am trying to be proactive to get my ducks lined up in a row.. before I get in over my head. I plan on making use of any resources available to me and Diane for assistance.. It is a big unknown to me.. But I am strong, proud and independent as hell.. Some would say stubborn.. But I am smart enough to know my limitations.. So I will persevere and find my way through it.. Just every once in a while I get to feeling a bit sorry for myself and its good to have some friends to help me get back up..No time for woe is me... Thanks for all the advice and help.. much appreciated..
chuk
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There is no elevator to success — you have to take the stairs.
Chin up Chuk , my grandparents always said 'Adversity builds character ( although after 50 how much of that do we need ) and humility ". In times of need you establish quickly what and who is important and that things tend to work out the way they're supposed to despite our best efforts . Having an ailing partner is no cakewalk but we seem to be an adaptive , enduring species and you have a positive demeanor and outlook and that is paramount to your own well-being which is paramount to hers . Best of luck in your newest challenge/adventure , its always a learning process going thru life and you have the right attitude . Keep the faith .
