FIRST LETTER:
My Dear husband:
I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you.
I've been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to
show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the
last straw.
Last week, you came home & you didn't even notice I had a new
hairstyle, had cooked your favourite meal & even wore a brand new
nightie.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything
that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever
the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Wife.
Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand
together! Have a great life!


REPLY: Dear Ex-wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good
woman is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining
& bitching.
Too bad that doesn't work any more.
I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a boy!'
Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can't say
something nice, I didn't comment......
and when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have got me confused
with MY BROTHER because I haven't eaten prawns for 7 years.
About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $299.99
price tag was still on it, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my
brother had just borrowed $300 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So
when I won the $20 million Lotto, on Saturday, I left my job & bought
2 tickets for us to Paris , but when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dollar from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla.
I hope that's not a problem.